Domestic Abuse

Domestic abuse comes in many shapes and forms. It affects both men and women. NO ONE deserves to be abused, whether it’s emotional, physical or sexual. 

What we can do as a society, is raise awareness and help others in the same situation overcome their troubles. 

Miss honey did exactly that. She has written out her darkest troubles with the intention of helping others. Let’s respect her courage and spread the word ❤️

I have contemplated whether or not to publish a blog post on this cut-throat issue for some time now. Each time I began typing, I deleted the chaos of emotion that lay before me on my laptop screen. Is it too personal? Is it too shameful? Is it too… humiliating?

I’m afraid to admit that all of the above points prevented me from posting this in the past. However, I look around me and I realise that maybe my words need to be read. Maybe my voice needs to be heard. So here I am, mustering up all the courage I possibly can, in the hopes of helping other young girls who may be facing the same.

“YOU’RE AN ABSOLUTE JOKE.”

I could feel the familiarity of bitter paralyzation in my bones, rising to the surface of my skin.

“YOU’RE PATHETIC, LOOK AT YOU. I CAN’T DEAL WITH YOUR CRAP ANYMORE.”

His fists were beginning to hit the steering wheel now. Smashing against it in sheer anger at the sight of tears streaming down my face.

How dare I cry when it was all my fault?

I could hear my heart beating rapidly, echoing in my ears.

My stomach was spinning.

I wanted so much to close my eyes and pretend it wasn’t happening.

I couldn’t understand, why couldn’t I have just kept my mouth shut? Why did I have to start it again?

I was always causing problems you see. I was always too annoying. Always too much effort. Always too much of a problem. Always causing trouble and always deserving of his anger.

A slideshow of pictures flashed through my mind, of the beginning. Of the red roses. Of the proposal. Of the charm. Of the attentiveness. Of the chemistry. Of the immense joy I felt when we were first husband and wife.

“YOU’VE ALWAYS GOT TO EMBARRASS ME.”

I was jolted back to the present moment by the deafening sound of his shouting.

This wasn’t really happening yet again, surely?

We were the perfect couple on the outside. “Instagram goals”, I was told time and time again. My friends would fawn “you’re soooooooooo lucky”. Why did I not feel lucky then? When inside I was made to feel that I was not worthy to be the dirt on his shoes?

This is how it’s going to end, I thought. As he rammed the accelerator and cut a bend at a speed that made me scream. He always had to be in control, and he felt a sense of victory when I got scared.

This feeling was far too familiar to me now.

These moments were beginning to happen too often, I thought, as I felt bitter disappointment in myself.

What was wrong with me? Why did I always have to say the wrong thing? Why did I always have to do the wrong thing? Why was I so annoying? Why couldn’t I be more like he wanted me to be?

I thought back to the day of our ruksati. The day I heard my dad say to him “I’m giving you my heart, all I ask is that you take care of my heart.” I sobbed under the protection of my dupatta, hidden from everyones eyes, knowing myself fine well that it was never his intention to take care of my dads’ heart. He wanted to crush me until I became nothing. All of my family watched on as the car drove off and he attempted to put his arms around me, I froze. “I know that things have been… difficult, but I’m going to take care of you from now on, I promise you.” I opened my mouth to reply, to SCREAM, but nothing came out.

Difficult? Things have been difficult?

Did he not realise that I had lost a bigger part of myself each day?

Did he not realise that his constant criticism, control and emotional torture had left my self-esteem on the floor?

I thought now of my dad. My mum. My brother. All of my family. Who had no idea what was going on. I was terrified of telling anyone… because I was scared of how crazy I would sound.

Surely it was all in my head?

How could this lovely, charming, successful man possibly be a monster?

It must be me.

At least that is what he repeated to me on a regular basis.

It was always me.

I was the problem. I was the one with a temper. I was the one who caused arguments. I was the one who was violent.

It was all me.

Why did I feel so alone when I was surrounded by people?

Why did I feel that I wasn’t smart enough? pretty enough? GOOD ENOUGH?

Why couldn’t I be like the girls whom he compared me to?

So many things did not make sense, my mind was a constant state of chaos, unable to decipher what was going on and anxiously wondering whether today was going to be a good day or a bad day.

Wondering what I would do or say next to set him off…

“GET OUT THE CAR. NOW.”

 

2 years later…

I am only just beginning to realise that it was never me.

I was enough, and I am enough.

I refuse to blame myself any longer.

Girls who may be in the same situation, or know someone who is in a similar situation, please hear me when I tell you that you are enough.

You are strong. You are resilient. You are amazing. You are not deserving of his anger or his abuse.

There will come a day, when you will be ready to close that door, and watch a new one open. Don’t be hard on yourself for the learning process you undertake before that day, nor the mistakes you make in between – you are healing.

With love always, Miss Honey ♥ xx

misshoneybakes.com

Surprise Beauty Box

Hey there girlies,

If you guys have been following me on Instagram, you’ll have seen my latest blog related picture…

Many of you have probably been wondering what it is.

Recently I popped into my local Boots store and came upon stacks and stacks of the above gift boxes. I then learned that they were actually surprise beauty boxes. 

Basically, you bought a box and had no idea what kind of beauty products it will contain.

The purpose of these beauty boxes were to raise money for a local hospice. The hospice in question offers specialist palliative care for the terminally ill. So it was a good cause and I’m always up to be part of a good cause.

I had no idea what my box would contain, but I was so excited 🙈 it reminded me of the “surprise bags” I would buy from Claire’s as a child ❤️

Anyway, this is what my box contained…

I liked the variety of products and thought it was worth a lot more than the mere £2, which I paid for it.

So the products…

An Illicit Flower by Jimmy Choo sample. We all know how rich Jimmy Choo perfumes are and how  they are ‘oh so amazing’. This sample was just as adequate as previous Jimmy Choo perfumes. The sample size was 2ml, which is again adequate for the purpose of a sample. And the fragrance…is to die for. It’s very rich in quality and it is definitely a fragrance I would buy 😍 I believe it retails at around £36 for 40ml and £68 for 100ml, which is totally reasonable for a designer perfume.

Another sample, this time a smoothing and illuminating cream by Vichy Laboratoires. The cream is for normal to combination skin and is supposed to even skin texture and complexion and also smooth wrinkles. 

To be honest with you, I have never come across this brand nor this cream before. So a sample is exactly what I needed in order to be introduced to this product. The sample size is 3ml, which is again adequate for its purpose. There is no fragrance to the actual cream. The texture of the cream is basically really creamy and smooth. It smoothens out your skin and leaves it with a pretty glow. It isn’t heavy on the skin and nor is it oily, my skin felt really soft after using it. Definitely something I would consider buying in the future. Having researched the brand I have come across many products which I would consider purchasing. This particular product retails at £25 for 50ml, which is pretty reasonable. 

Two samples of Elizabeth Ardens “Superstart” skin renewal booster. The sample size was pretty small, 1ml, perhaps that’s why the box contained two samples of this product. We are all pretty aware that Elizabeth Arden products are really up there on the beauty product hierarchy. Elizabeth Arden never fails to please and always delivers high standard products. 

Sample size complains apart, the product is just perfect. I later learned a little of it goes a long way, which explains the sample size. The texture was pretty transparent and gooey at first, but once your skin has soaked it in it’s just perfect. It makes you look so much more alive and is really moisturising. It retails at £45 for 30ml and £60 for 50ml. Which is pretty pricey, however a little goes a long way and it actually does what it says. So yaaay to Elizabeth Arden, I always hedge my bets high on Elizabeth Arden products and I’m rarely disappointed. 

Now this was a full sized product, so 5ml, although I was disappointed with the colour. Maybelline Colour Elixir Lip Gloss 500 in Mandarine Rupture. The colours not a colour I would ever consider wearing, it’s just overly vibrant. The wand was bent when I opened the product, however I liked the velvety texture of the wand. 

The product however was disappointing. The texture was really sticky and glossy, it was expected because it’s lip gloss. But it was just overly sticky and didn’t absorb well into my lips and was more like a balm. The colour is really glittery and sparkly, which would have been nice in perhaps a pink or red shade. It retails for around £7.99, I would perhaps buy the product in an alternative shade. The quality of the product was okay-ish, I just found the damaged wand, sticky texture and colour really disappointing.

Maybelline Dream Touch Blush, I am in love. This again was a full size product and the packaging is so simple and elegant. The lid is plastic, but the actual product is in a glass pot which is really sturdy and classy. It makes a nice change from the usual drugstore plastic pot blushers. 

The texture is so creamy and smooth which makes it really easy to apply and blend. The product is so pigmented, so a little goes a long way. It really lives upto it’s name and is a dream touch blush. It isn’t sticky but is creamy enough for easy application. I can’t seem to find it on the Boots website, but after googling it I’ve found it retails at around £6 which it is really worth. The product doesn’t say what shade it is and I’m not that familiar with Maybelline  products, to say that I can identify what shade it is. So if you guys can guess what shade it is , please do comment and let the rest of us know. 

I’ve come across a Maybelline Dream Lumi Touch Blusher, so this product may be discontinued as there seems to be an improved addition to it. This version is still available on the likes of Ocado, EBay and Amazon. From where I’ve learnt that it came in the following shades; peach, mauve, pink and plum. I’m guessing mine might be Mauve or Pink. From the images available on Google, I have seen that the product should contain the shade, however mine doesn’t 🤔 so take a guess girls!

Oveall, I think I’ve got more than my money’s worth from this surprise beauty box and would buy some more if I was given a chance to. Better still, the proceeds of sale go towards a good cause.

Hope you enjoyed the reviews, until next time ❤️